I’m tired of idiots. 

On one hand you’ve got the closed minded douchebags screaming die cis scum and the like. On the other you got the whiny bastards calling the closed minded douchebags racist, sexist, cis-what the fuck ever.

In my opinion, if you’re out of high school and still complaining about people being racist, you have a lot of growing up to do. If you’re out of high school and a racist, sexist, whatever…I’ll tell the truth, the highest paying job I ever interviewed for was a black gentleman, very polite guy. All I can say is good luck succeeding in such a diverse society. 

Now, I’m not saying that either group is better than the other. I agree with what they both “preach”. The racist, homophobe, sexist people believe what they want. You can’t stop that, ever. There will always be racism, sexism, etc. because people are different. It’s a two way street. So, what is the point in whining about it to a bunch of people on the internet? Nobody cares. 

Now, if shit gets out of hand. Hell yes, fight back. But don’t bitch and complain about shit you can’t control because you can’t control it. All it does is put a giant sign over your head for those racists, homophobes, sexists, etc. to attack you (and more hillariously trolls). 

you want to let depression engulf you because it’s easy, but mainly because every time you’ve ever had happiness it has ended in a bad way that made you feel worse causing that depression to return. You feel like you’ll never accomplish anything, that you’re not smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough to be successful or loved.

Even if you don’t see it, I do. You are talented enough to make your dreams come true.

I want to love you, more than anyone I’ve ever had before and I never thought I’d say that.

I’ll open myself up to you, if you will to me and I promise never to abandon you.

ever.

————————-

even if you abandon me, I’ll always be here.

I god damn fucking hate nights like this. I’ve been stuck in this god damn room for the past week. I’m starting to lose my mind.

I just want someone to talk to for a little while, to forget that I’m still not working anywhere. That I’m running out of money, that I have no one to love and no reason to keep going. 

How can I keep going when there’s nowhere and nothing to go to. I just want something solid. A job would be slightly better. But all I really want is someone to love me. 

Even if it’s just for a little while, I just don’t want to be alone anymore. I think I found someone but they’re so distant and I can’t tell if they do or could ever truly feel that way. It’s so fucking hard, I constantly feel like my heart is in flux and I don’t like it. 

A second away from truly breaking…again. 

I’m tired of everything. My parents, my pets, my life. I just want to end it all. 

I contemplate suicide nearly 24/7 now, but I don’t want to kill myself. I just feel like everything I do is pointless. Maybe it is, maybe I’m just a lost parasite of the world. But I’ll keep trying, trying to better myself and become something. 

I could use some love.

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Whenever I do I always end up ignored and alone. 

I’m so fucking tired of being alone. 

I’m so fucking tired of finding someone wonderful only to find that they have some issues that if they didn’t have, it would be so fucking perfect. I just want someone to actually like me and give me a chance, but no. That’s too fucking hard, I can’t have even 10 minutes of anyone’s time. 

I’m so fucking tired of other assholes showing up when I think I have something nice going. I’m tired of fucking douchefuckingbags with throats that I would just FUCKING LOVE TO SLIT.

Of course I never will, because fuck that. 

I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. or being told that I’m sweet or nice. FUCK YOU. I’m not nice or sweet, I’m jealous, angry, and depressed. 

I just wanna cry, kill, and die.

I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to date anyone right now. I just want to flirt. 

Bull-fucking-shit.

You think I’m stupid enough to believe that. You don’t know me. 

You think I’ll feel bad over you? Why would I even bother. What makes you so special.

…….everything.

You’re fucking perfect, I can’t think of a single thing I don’t like about you except that you feel unwanted. I want you, but you don’t care. I’m invisible. 

I need to disappear and leave you alone forever before it nearly kills me again.

feelings are bullshit.

Appearance

• I have/had piercings besides the ears.
• I want piercings besides the ears.
• I tan easily.
• I wish my hair was a different color.
• I have/want a tattoo.
• I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
• I have/had braces
• I have more than two piercings.
•  

Embarrassment

• Disney movies still make me cry sometimes.
• I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
• I’ve glued my hand to something.
• I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
• I’ve had my pants rip in public.
• I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health

• I’ve gotten stitches.
• I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
• I’ve had my tonsils removed.
• I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
• I’ve had chicken pox
•  

Travel

• I’ve been to Florida.
• I’ve been on a plane.
• I’ve been to California.
• I’ve been to Asia.
• I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
• I’ve been to Vanuatu or the Mystery Islands.
• I’ve been to the Caribbean.
• I’ve been to Europe.
•  

Experiences

• I’ve gotten lost in my city.
• I’ve seen a shooting star.
• I’ve wished on a shooting star.
• I’ve seen a meteor shower.
• I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
• I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
• I’ve slapped someone.
• I’ve kissed someone underwater.
• I’ve crashed a car.
• I’ve been skiing.
• I’ve been in a musical.
• I’ve auditioned for something.
• I’ve been on stage.
• I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
• I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
• I’ve pranked someone.
• I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime

• I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
• I’ve broken a law.
• I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
• I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
• I’ve snuck out.
• I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
• I’ve cheated while playing a game.
• I’ve been in a fist fight.
•  

Death

• I’m afraid of dying.
• I hate funerals.
• I’ve seen someone/something die.
• Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.

Materialism

• I own over 5 rap CD’s.
• I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
• I collected comic books.
• I own a lot of makeup.
• I own something from Pac Sun.
• I own something from The Gap.
• I own something I got on E-Bay.
• I own something from Abercrombie.
• I thrive on compliments.
• I thrive on hate.

Random

• I can sing low key.
• I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
• I open up to others easily.
• I watch the news occasionally or always.
• I don’t like to kill bugs.
• I sing in the shower.
• I’m a morning person.
• I’m a sports fanatic.
• I twirl my hair.
• I care about grammar.
• I love to spam friends.
• I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
• I bake well.
• My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
• I would wear pajamas to school.
• I like Martha Stewart.
• I laugh at my own jokes.
• I eat fast food weekly.
• I’ve not turned something in and still got an A in a certain class.
• I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
• I’m really ticklish.
• I like white chocolate.
• I bite/used to bite my nails.
• I’m good at remembering names.
• I’m good at remembering dates.
• I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People

• ..used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
• ..called me fat.
• ..have said I’m skinny.
• ..have said I’m ugly.
• ..have said I’m pretty.
• ..have spread rumors about me.
• ..force me to eat.
• ..say I eat too much.
• ..say I eat too little.

Eating

• I’ve lost weight.
• I’ve gained weight.
• I’m at my thinnest.
• I’m at my biggest.
• I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
• I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
• My weight affects my mood.
• I’m vegan/vegetarian.
• I exercise.

Family

• I’ve sworn at my parents.
• I’ve run away from home.
• I have a sibling less than one year old.
• I want kids in the future.
• I’ve had kids.
• I’ve lost a child.

Relationships

• I’m engaged.
• I’m married.
• I’m single.
• I’ve gone on a blind date.
• I have/had a friend with benefits. (I guess?)
• I miss someone right now.
• I’ve gotten divorced.
• I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back probably.
• Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
• I’ve told someone I loved them/someone when I didn’t.
• I’ve told someone/myself I didn’t love someone when I did.
• I’ve been kissed in the rain.
• I’ve hugged a stranger.
• I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times

• I regularly drink.
• I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
• I have/had anxiety problems.
• I shut others out when I’m upset.
• I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset about something personal.
• I have taken/take anti-depressants.
• I’ve slept an entire day before.

so fucking pissed at my mother, she won’t fuck off and let me find my job myself. It’s so fucking annoying. I hate everything about her, she bitches at me, tells me what the fuck to do, how the fuck to do it. Criticizes everything I do, doesn’t listen to a word I fucking say. Honestly, she thinks everyone is bullshitting her and everything I say is bullshit. She makes me want to stab her in the throat every time we talk. She’s not at all understanding that I haven’t done much applications because I have been fucking working and it was still unsure if I would continue working (which it still fucking is). “You haven’t done anything since December?” fuck off. I’ve been FUCKING working since December you CUNT. 

Let ME FUCKING LIVE MY LIFE HOW I WANT TO. I’m not gonna waste my money on gas when it’s not necessary. I honestly have not hated anyone this much in my life. Seriously contemplating just packing up my shit and leaving, I can’t take this anymore. I live a completely opposite schedule of my parents just so I don’t have to deal with their bullshit.

Oh, I have to go out and apply at places in person everyday, wasting my gas and money…I was gonna do that anyway but what’s the point when every fucking time I do, they just tell me it’s only online. But, oh I still have to go out and apply everywhere in person even though it’s fucking impossible. 

No one will ever infuriate me as much as my mother. 

I’m fucking pissed off. My work is like…oh don’t come in tomorrow (which was tuesday), then the person who’s my supervisor but doesn’t really do anything called and was like “don’t come in this week,”. I have 500 dollars and a paycheck coming to go towards my 750 dollar insurance bullshit. Leaving me with no money for 3 weeks because I have no fucking work. 

My parents keep bitching at me about finding a job and I try but fuck, it’s so fucking annoying. Part of me likes this time off though cause I can finally watch all these movies and games I bought and haven’t played or watched yet but shit, I need money to payoff debts god dammit. >:c

Oh well, time to be a NEET again *sigh*

Also, there’s this girl I kinda dig and wanna ask out but no monies >:I